Heyo!! I havent written in forever and I'm pretty sure it doesnt matter cuz no one reads this anyway. that makes it even better though cuz I just need to write about randomness to get it all out. My life is changing everyday right before my eyes. its so weird cuz i can see myself changing, which you hardly ever get to do. But i notice that  a lot of things that used to bother me dont really anymore. And some things that I care about now, I never even thought about a few years ago. I guess that means im growing up. I dont know what it is, but it is definitely weird. I have so much to look forward to that sometimes I dont have any time to enjoy the present time. I cant wait to get out of school, to find a new boyfriend, to permanently move to the city, for Matt to come home from afghanistan, and so so much more. But then I sit here and think, why am I not enjoying school while I can, or enjoying being single, or cherishing all the time i get to spend with my family when i go bakc and forth from here to home in wilmo, or just not thinking about how long it is until matt comes back. I think I just need to stop thinking so much about everything and what it is going to be and just start thinking about what it is. I think school has a lot to do with making someone think about the future all the time though. We always have so many due dates and dates to remember in the future that are hanging over our heads that we cannot forget, so students just get caught up in what they expect or hope the future will turn out like. I dont know...I guess I'm just not too happy this year. I'm definitely trying to be, but for some reason I just cant get the spirits up very high. And even worse is that everyone has their own problems to deal with so I just dont want to even talk about mine to anyone. I need some change in my life i think. something BIG to offset this dreariness. hopefully it will come soon.
anyway--enough of the moping, i have a huge crush on this guy at the hospital. He happens to be Russian--like actually came from Russia a few years ago. He is an ER tech there and he is pretty much the main person I work with while I am there. He is super cute and his accent drives me insane!!! I love it so much, especially when russian people come into the ER and he has to talk to them. I am both inspired and amazed by him. He is such a determined hard working person. Pretty much he is exactly the type of guy I need. BUT---yes there is a huge set of buts----he is like 5 years older than me, and i only see him one day a week for like 4 hrs, and I dont really think the feeling is mutual so I dont think anything will ever come out of this. I really wish I could figure out a way to say something without (1)being creepy, (2) being embarassed and shot down, (3) ruining my volunteer job...etc. but oh well...life goes on, ill get over it.

hello!!! Its been a while so i figured since i have a bunch of time during which I cant do much i might as well update. im a little pissed right now cuz i am currently typing on Brians computer in his room due to the fact that I am locked out of mine. I was late to work this  morning and in my rush to get there I left my keys, wallet, and cell phone in the room. So not only can i not get in my room, but i cant even go sit and drink a cup of coffee somewhere cuz i have no money! I called Adriana and asked her to leave the door unlocked but apparently tara came home and locked it when she left. Now I know i cant be mad at her and im not, but when you come home and the door is unlocked but no one is home and every other day of the year it is when no one is home, wouldnt you think it is unlocked for a reason!! But what can you do i guess. so i planned on studying during this hour and a half between work and class cuz I have a HUGE orgo test tomorrow. But instead I am just wasting this precious time.
 Oh well. other than that, everything is going pretty good!! (knock on wood). Thanksgiving break was awesome!! i spent a lot of time with my family and discovered how much i really miss them. Laura came down for thanksgiving dinner and my family loved her so that worked out good. I think she had a pretty good time too.
Also Matt got home from the Marines (Hawaii) on thuursday morning and I picked him up from the airport. It was crazy! I had to drive around the freakin airport 4 times before i could pick him up because apparently you cannot park at the pick up thing even for a few minutes. but it was soooo awesome to see him and get to hang out!!!! I hadnt seen hime in 2 years. we didnt get to hang out as much as i thought we would pretty much cuz i was constantly with my family. But he flying back for 3 weeks on dec 7 so i will get to hang out with him over x mas break before he goes back and leaves for afganistan. )) :  His mom was so surprised when i dropped him off though...it was awesome! Im so glad we are such good friends again. I missed him, and he is pretty much the only person ever in my life that understands me and knows what im talking about. ok well thats all for now, i think im going to take a nap...that seems like a better use of this extra time. Bye!